I couldn't help but overhear you as we sat in the Cancun airport eating our food at the table right next to you, as you spoke to your friend. My assumption is that you just graduated college and you were there to celebrate. Perhaps, a celebration after finals? A pre-Spring break uptown funk?
As I listened to you explain to your friend about the 8 different guys you are currently dating while flipping through pictures on your cellular device. I felt saddened. I know that times have changed and at the old age of 35 I am very much not "with it". You see, when I was dating...it was really called "dating". We didn't flip through pictures on a phone giving "winks". We didn't have to make a profile for "man shopping" that was very obviously exaggerated. I hear you complaining about "Joel has family in town this weekend so although he wants to meet up with me, I am going to tell him NO...we can meet up the following weekend. And then I will go out with Jason in the afternoon...cause ya know a girls gotta eat. Then make Antoine take me out at night. OH MY WORD, Antoine has a body like no other. I mean when he winks...he WINKS." WHAT does that even MEAN?! I feel so sad for you. Sad that you will never know what it is like to work towards a REAL and meaningful relationship. Sad that we complain about men exploiting women, yet here you are. Doing the same darn thing.
If you are basing love off of the houses he owns and the car he drives. You have no clue what his heart is trying to say. Is there an app that tells you what to say, how to dress, what to do and when to say "I love you"? Do you know what "I love you" even means? Or are you so blind you can see past the screen on your phone. I mean, I do love me some Facebook. Throw in some Instagram and from time to time Twitter. But stop. Look UP from the phone and see the world around you. Mr. Perfect...very well could have been at the resort you left. But you would never know because you were too busy telling Nick he had a hot body. A guy you most likely have never met in person, yet this day in age there is this thing we call lighting and photoshop and we can send pictures to people standing in certain positions to make our bodies look slim, toned and completely not like your frumpy self at all.
I know it is NOT my place to judge. And I am not trying to. But when my husband mentions your convo after we paid for our food and walked away...my heart hurt for you. You need a hug. You need a reality check and girlfriend...you need to find Jesus. REAL bad. This is a reminder to me to help my children put their focus on LIFE. On the world. On speaking that way about objects, not a person. I want them to feel butterflies when they are going on a walk and their arms lightly brush up against each other. I pray they take the time to memorize the twinkle in the other person's eyes and connect over coffee and scrabble. When the finally do kiss, I don't want it to be on the first date. And when their clothes come off...it damn well better be after he puts a ring on that finger and their love has formed a covenant. Love is not just a word. It is a feeling. Love starts with a like. Forms an affection and turns into an attraction. Love is a gift from God. There is nothing in the world like it. Yes, there are varying degrees of love. I love my best friend differently than I love my husband. I love my children differently than I love that book. But love is powerful. It brings sunshine on a cloudy day. Love is the only form of perfection we have in the likeness of God. Love is...one of a kind.
To find love, you must first love...yourself. Take time to find out who YOU are. What you want out of life and the type of person you are. Step out of your comfort zone. Speak to someone...while facing them. Take a leap of faith and live life. Make memories and seek laughter. Stop lying to others...you are only hurting yourself.
I will be praying for you. And your friend.
With warm regards,
A blessed wife and mom of 4